The First 20 Days

Dear Bayden,

You have been here for 20 days already, it seems like you arrived about 4 days ago.  It has been quite the adventure already and you are well known in the nicu for your dramatics.

Your first days on the outside were nothing but good news.  Every time we went to see you in the nicu, you had met another milestone:  you don't need the warmer, you are in clothes, you are moved to a crib, your air flow was turned down to 2, then 1, and then you don't need it at all, you tolerated your food, they increased your food, you took a bottle.  We thought at this rate you would be breaking records in the nicu for cutest baby and quickest stay for a 33 weeker.   You did need the lights for jaundice, but we know lots of babies who have needed that and you seemed to like these warm lights like mommy likes to sit on the deck and you looked you so cute in the shades.

getting some rays for jaundice

Then, it was like it suddenly hit you on day 5, "holy shit, I have to do all of this by myself; breathe, eat, digest, go potty, and keep my own temperature!  No way, I need a break."  Daddy was holding you the evening of day 5 and I came out of the pumping room (getting a 3rd very painful "massage" from the lactation nurse for the day) to your monitor blinking red and making a beeping noise that we hadn't heard before.  The nurses were very calm, but coming to get you and turning oxygen from the wall on.  They put this oxygen over your little nose on your little blue face.  The nurses were rubbing your back saying, "Bayden, take a breath."  Your little mouth refusing in a kissy face.  It was so scary to see.  The nurses said lots of babies do this and your lungs weren't done developing, you were just sleeping so hard, and took a rest from breathing.  We left that night very thankful for the nurses and thinking it was a one time thing.

Day 6 was a tough day.  You pulled your little stunt of no breathing several times in my arms, you had to have a pic line places because your 5th IV had gone bad, they stopped your feedings because your belly couldn't keep up with digesting, you needed medicine to make you poop, you started medicine to stimulate your brain to keep you breathing, they did blood work to check for infection, they did an ultrasound of your heart and lungs to send to a bigger children's hospital.  This was the first day mommy cried in the nicu.  It seemed like several steps back in one day and I was just looking at your little face rocking you and I just cried.  I was so worried about you and realizing how much developing you had left to do.  We can also blame this crying on the fact that I was up every 2 hours pumping and hadn't gotten much sleep.   My milk had arrived (at least we have that going for us).  The nurses and doctor are great, because they hug mommy and try to explain that you aren't the first baby to do this in the nicu.  Well, your my first baby and I don't like seeing you turn blue and that makes me cry.  

Since this day, you've had some more set backs with your breathing, but you are starting to get stronger and make some gains.  I have only had 1 other day of crying in the nicu, but I cried all the way across town to your auntie's hospital and a food service guy in the elevator felt bad for me and gave me a hug too.  Auntie thinks I'm a cry baby and you sound a little lazy!  We'll see how her hormones are when your cousins come, but she is kind of right. 

The tests for infection and your heart and lungs all check out fine.  You do not need heart surgery or a transplant, I asked the doctor and he thinks mommy is funny now.  I was kind of joking when I asked.  I have also asked about the price of one of those monitors to have in your room, I guess that's not an option though.  They put you back on some airflow to give you a break and also make it easier to give you a shot of oxygen when you decide to make a kissy face and stop breathing.  Almost every time after the nurses help you get your breathing going, you give a little smile or smirk and they think you're so cute, but a little naughty.  You keep the nurses on their toes that's for sure.  I feel like you might not be their favorite baby though.  You have started feeds again, smaller portions more often, and it's going much better.  They think you have severe reflux and when your food wants to come back up, you try and hold it down and in doing this, you hold your breath.  You take medicine for the reflux and your bassinet is slanted to help you keep your food down.  Last night, you had your whole feed from a bottle and they wrote that on your board because they were so proud of you, or they want to make a big deal about it so mommy will feel better because there is good news.  We hope this is the start of more progress and you will be ready to come home soon.  We love you so much Bayden!

Love Always, Mommy

2 weeks old