Looking Good!

By looking good, I do not mean me on the first day back to workshops at school today.  I was bloated, chunky, and have a few more hairs on my chin.  Thank you fertility meds!  At least no one said anything to my face.

But really, thank you fertility meds because by looking good, I mean mine and Donna's ovaries.  All 4 of them!  We were both in for our down-regulation ultrasounds and blood-work this morning, in different cities.  Everything looked good, all ovaries were "resting" and our bodies are ready to be geared back up.  She will start ovary stimulating meds tomorrow morning.  I will start the estrogen pills to build the lining of my uterus.  I will continue my lupron shots, but a lower dose.  My poor belly has bruises and I think I have at least 10 more days of this shot.  They don't hurt and I started school today, so no more belly-baring shirts anyway.  I'll be okay.  I will get another report this Friday to see how Donna is doing because she will be in for another ultrasound.   I will go in again on the 7th and that afternoon we will have the rest of the game plan for when Donna will ovulate and when the hubby and I need to be in the cities. Prayers for lots of eggs!  Come on Donna!

Have a good week - Sarah

Oh Grandma, you're so funny

Yesterday on my way to my part-time job, I gave my mom a call.  She was at the hospital with my grandma.  What?!  Thanks for the phone call, mother.  I guess everything was fine, so no one called so we wouldn't be worried; and my mom hates talking on the phone so that's the other reason I'm sure.  Anyway, my  mom had taken my grandma in on Friday for chest pains and they were doing some checking to see what was going on.  Turns out she is fine, probably just caused by some stress because she was recently helping take care of her sister who was not feeling well.  As I'm talking to my mom, I can here my grandma saying in the background to make sure and tell me that she'd be home on Friday.  I'm planning to head to my parents for Labor Day weekend and Friday was going to be my day with grandma beings my mom will be working and dad probably farming.  She wanted to make sure that I knew that Friday plans would still be happening!  She is where I get my need to never miss out on anything.  She doesn't like to miss out either and we'd often like to be a few places at once.  I love that gal.  Last summer when I spent the day with her we had so many laughs.  Like how I wore running shorts and went for a run that morning, got to her place, showered, and realized I forgot to pack underwear.  I had to borrow a pair (new ones, but still grandma style).  Then we went to bingo at the senior center and I got carded for lunch to make sure I paid the full price, not the senior discount price.  Sometimes people tell me I look as young as the kids at school and that day I was mistaken for 65!  Hopefully we can go to bingo on Friday!  I guess this doesn't really relate to our journey, but I sure hope I can get her a couple more great-grand-kids someday, and it was just a really cute story about my grandma.  

Random Updates

Sorry for the bullet list, but wanted to share a few updates. 

• I started my lup.ron shots last Saturday morning.  This seemed to settle my emotions a little, thank God (Your prayers for my mental health were answered).  Hubby hasn't been singing "crazy bitch" this week.  I felt a little icky on Sunday and Monday with cramping and a little nauseous.  I also finished my last pill of northin.drone yesterday.  
• Some of the bloating also went down the last few days, but I'm still feeling a little gross.  Not liking the sizes I had to buy for my back to school clothes.
• I have my down-regulation blood work and ultrasound on Tuesday morning.  I will find out that afternoon how Donna is doing and also if everything looks good for me I will be starting my estrogen pills.  I'm guessing that will make me a little crazy again.  Poor Gavin.  Wonder if I should warn him, or just let him figure it out.  I have a few days to think about that one.  
• Teacher days also start on Tuesday.  Still looks like I will get the first week of school in before we will have to head to the big city for the IVF procedure.  It will be a busy teacher week and first week of school, but I'm starting to get excited for school and my new group of kiddos.

That's all for now.  I will try and post about the appointments on Tuesday hopefully.  Enjoy the rest of the weekend!  I'm off to my part-time job :(

Sarah

Back Up Plan

I think I found the back-up plan I was talking about a few posts ago!  

Prayers

I grew up going to church most Sunday's.  Since college, going to church has always made me feel close to home and I like going.  I should be better about going, but the summer is hard.  I enjoy doing the women's bible studies at my church.  I pray and read devotionals to myself.  Something that I've never been comfortable with yet is praying aloud with other people.

The last bible study I did we had "prayer partners" throughout the study.  We were given the name of someone in the group and were to keep that person in our prayers over the weeks of the bible study.  On the last night as part of our celebration, in small groups we stood in the front and called our prayer partner up by name.  It had been a secret for most people.   The person came up and we were to put a hand on their shoulder and say a prayer for them in person.  This was WAY out of my comfort zone.  Of course I did it, but I just kept thinking that if I could have written her a card instead it would have been much better.  And I almost started tearing up praying for someone I barely knew, but had been praying for over a couple months.  Something about saying prayers aloud, makes me cry.

I still remember being minutes from walking down the aisle as a bridesmaid in my 2nd cousin's wedding.  Praying on the spot and aloud is a strength of hers and I admire it so much.  She was a counselor at bible camp, so maybe she learned this skill there.  She said, let's say a prayer and she started a prayer for her new marriage and her husband.  Two bridesmaids jumped in too.  I started crying immediately and was anxious about what I would say.  Of course I had a lot to say to her on her wedding day, but again would rather write it in a note.  It was so great to be a part of.  We ended up getting called by the pastor, so I didn't have to say anything.  Amen!

Anyway...  This spring I sent this 2nd cousin an email about my blog so she could follow along if she wanted.  She read it all that night and emailed me the very next day.  She has been so supportive and possibly my most faithful follower!  In that email, she didn't just say "I'm praying for you."  She sent me the actual prayer that she was saying for us.  It meant so much to me.  Love you Lyndee!

I am sharing it with you now in case you need a starting place with your prayers like I do; and we need some prayers now, folks.  I guess it is also a song from Bible Camp so if you'd rather sing, go right ahead!

God will make a way
when there seems to be no way

God works in ways we cannot see
God will make a way for me

Christ will be my guide
hold me closely to his side

With love and hope for each new day
God will make a way

Our specific prayer requests:

• For our bodies:  That Donna the Donor and I respond to medications to prepare our bodies and stay healthy.  That Gavin stays healthy.
• For our mental health - that we can stay strong and positive and continue to be at our best in the other areas of our lives (work, school, family life)
• For the strength of our marriage 
• For the doctor's and nurses' minds and hands as they take care of Donna, me, and our embryos
• For positive results and a healthy pregnancy

Thank  you so much for your prayers.  Love - Sarah

What if it doesn't work?

Through this egg donor process, I've decided to keep as positive as I can and just focus on the now.  One day at a time.  What I need to do as far as meds, appointments, paperwork, and the rest of my life, etc.  Of course I catch myself daydreaming of what it will be like if it works and I try not to think about it not working.  It's just too depressing.  I realize the statistics and there's a better chance of it not working, but it's just too scary and hurts to think about it like that.

My husband is a little the opposite.  Last night we were talking and he really wants to start thinking about a back-up plan.  I don't want to yet.  I know there are a lot of decisions to make, but I just want to keep hoping for the best and think about that when we need to.  He's so worried about me if it doesn't work and I get that it's a lot for him to go through too and try and hold me up if it doesn't work at the same time.  It's a lot of pressure for him.  

I know that financially and emotionally this is our last shot.  We can only take so much.  We may have some frozen to try someday, but the rest of our life can't wait for that.  We will need to find a house.  Should we  buy something small and keep saving money?  Should we buy something really nice beings we could afford more as a family of 2?  Will I always feel like I'm missing something in my life without kiddos of my own?  Will our marriage make it?  

So many unknowns and it's so hard.

California

We're back from a great trip to Cali with the hubby's family.  We did all the tourist stuff:  winery, holly.wood, universa.l studios, dod.ger game, stand-by for Con.an but didn't get in, warner.bros tour, San Diego for a pad.res game, beach, and some pool time.  It was our last big thing before school starts for me and of course this egg donor business. 

I started the first med our second day there.  I set my alarm for 5 am to adjust for the time change.  Our donor, who I'm going to start calling Donna, should have started her meds too.   Gavin doesn't love the name, but couldn't think of anything else!  Donna the Donor.  A few side affects.  The girls are a little swollen and tender, but looked great in my swimsuit (trying to look at the positive)!  My feet swelled up one night, but that could also be from the walking and beer at the games.  Some cramping off and on.  And then there was the one night that I got super emotional which I am blaming on the meds.  I start the next med this coming weekend.

As I was writing things in my new school planner last night at my part time job, I noticed that yesterday was an anniversary.  It was 4 years ago that I had my first appointment with an RE.  Seems like longer ago that that.  

Today marks 1 month that we closed on our house.  Also seems like longer ago.  We went to lunch today and actually went to look at a house, just the outside, but might take a look at the inside tomorrow.  The timing is off, but it's a hell of a deal and it's in the country, which I love!  Of course we aren't serious about looking, but we do need to keep our options open.  We can't stay here forever.

Stay tuned for some prayer requests; coming tomorrow hopefully!  Thanks for following and caring about our journey. - Sarah

Just Can't Catch a Break

Well, yesterday I got a call from the clinic with the results from the sample the hubby froze a few weeks ago.  The numbers were not what we wanted to hear.  There were sperm and things can go on, but we will be doing ICSI for sure now.  Which sucks because it is more expensive and the less "manipulating" they do with the eggs the better, but the hardest part is seeing the hubby with this news.  He was really disappointed and there was nothing I could do or say to make it better of course.  I picked him up and we went to our favorite place for lunch and we went to the train concert last night and partied like we were 21 to forget about it!  It helped, but we sure were tired today.

One package of meds has arrived and I'm expecting the other 2 boxes tomorrow.

We also had our conference call with the social worker on Monday night.  It was a little frustrating because we were told it was optional so we didn't do it.  We've been thinking about the egg donor route for 2 years, we've grieved my eggs, we know what we're getting into, we have a lot of supportive family and friends; we just didn't feel it was something we needed.  Then, the donor coordinator sent me a checklist saying that it was mandatory that we have a consult.  So, I set it up for Monday night and it was fine.  It's meant to be done during the decision process and not now, so we didn't get that much out of it.  Then, when we were ending things, she asked for my insurance information.  Weird, this wasn't helpful to us and we're getting charged $165 for this 20 minute phone call.  Hubby wasn't happy and did let her know.  We just wrote a check for almost $17,000, can't this be included?  Whatever.  I did like to hear Gav's answer about how he feels about the genetics not being from me. It was sweet, but he could have told me that for free.  She did ask if we've decided to tell people about the donor part of our journey.  Umm, kind of started a blog and told my closest family and friends all about it!

Today, I taught summer school and then picked up a shift at my pt job along with my regular shift, so I'm working over 14 hours today.  I did say I needed to stay busier and I am today!

We leave Saturday for CA!!  Excited to get out of town and have some fun.  I'll update when we return.

 - Sarah