I always thought I would love anyone touching my baby bump, and really I do love it. Friends have told stories of strangers giving the bump love and said how annoying it was. I still thought I would love it, I waited 5 years for that. I've changed my mind. Last week, I was in the office at school waiting to talk to one of the secretaries who were both on the phone. One of my students was on the run, rough day. There were 2 people also waiting at the counter, I assume parents. The guy motioned to me and asked me to come closer. I started walking his way explaining that I didn't work in the office, but I would try and help him. As soon I was close enough, he reached over the counter and gave the bump a rub and asked how far along I was. I said almost 7 months and then he used his other hand to rub his girlfriend of wife's bump and said they were 3 months. "Oh, congrats" and some more weird small talk about pregnancy. I explained the fellow to my husband as: if I were in a bar and everyone went to the bathroom leaving me by myself and he came to talk to me, I would be a little nervous. I was in the office about 15 minute later, and the secretary came and asked about how weird that was. She saw the whole thing while on the phone. Then, she said she smelled alcohol on both of their breath when she was helping them. Just out drinking in the afternoon and then stopping at school, touching pregnant bellies I guess.
I've had another change of heart about the baby bump too. I thought I would just love being out and about showing off the bump. Whenever I am places around lots of people I don't know (church, the gym, stores, restaurants, etc.), I feel this guilt. I wonder if there are women looking at me and I just make them sad because they can't have that or don't have that yet. I hated seeing pregnant bellies around before, and now I am constantly wondering how my infertiles see me and think the same thing. Last weekend, we went out to eat and ran into some friends, one thing led to another and I ended up being the driver to another bar. I think I've been a pretty good trooper when it's come to being out at the bar since I've been pregnant. I'm sure I was starting to look a little bored and tired drinking my water and people watching ( I was the only lady that night) so Gav wanted to dance. So weird dancing with my bump and the hubby had had a few drinks so we had us all over the floor loving the bump. I just kept thinking how annoyed I would have been with us had I been the infertile seeing us. I kept looking around wondering if there was an infertile couple around. I'm not sure this feeling will ever go away. It's a part of our experience and I will always think of the girls still on the other side even when the baby comes. Maybe they see my bump and it gives them hope. Maybe I should have t-shirts that say things like, "took 5 years," or "had to sell my house for this baby" or "donor eggs" or "this baby cost tons of money." Then, infertiles would see me and think, "oh that's ok then, I'm happy for them."