Infertility Flashback

I've been thinking about our infertility journey before the egg donor decision and before I started this blog.  It gets harder and harder to remember the things we've been through.  So, I decided to post a few of the stories that have stuck with me, were harder than others, or are maybe even a little entertaining.

This flashback is from probably May 2009.  I know it was towards the end of the school year and I know it was before we did IVF.  We were in the middle of an IUI cycle with injections.  Things were going well and I had a monitoring appointment before school one morning.  I had a couple mature follicles and the the nurses would be leaving me a message with instructions later that day for the next steps.  I went on to school and then worked a track meet with some of my students after school.  Must have been a wild and busy day at work because I completely forgot to check the messaging system for my plan until I got to my car that evening.  I call, not worried at this time, thinking I would do my trigger shot the next day.  I listen and start to panic as they say I will do my trigger shot that very evening.  I am in a panic because I haven't picked this trigger shot up from the pharmacy yet and my pharmacy is closed, it's too late.  I pull over and call the doctor on call and tell her that I don't have my shot and the pharmacy is closed.  Keep in mind we have already spent a couple thousand dollars on meds and appointments at this point, possibly for nothing if I don't have that shot.  She said that the pharmacy at the big hospital is probably still open, but not for long.  She calls the prescription in there and I start racing to the hospital.

I make it with minutes to spare, quick park, and go running like a crazy person into the hospital and ask the receptionist where the pharmacy is.  As she's telling me, I go running in that direction.  She calls out that they are probably closing.  I remember running around a corner and seeing the door closing from the top like a garage door.  I yell out something, maybe "wait" or "stop" and dive under the closing door.  I scared the crap out of the two gals closing up their things.  I say how sorry I am and close to tears explain my situation about the meds I need.  They turned their computer back on and give me my prescription.

My heart was still racing as I got back to my car and drove home.  It must have been a Tuesday because I remember calling Gav at his softball game and telling him what just happened.  I think I probably called my mom and my best friend because I couldn't believe how close our cycle came to being cancelled.  I got home, gave my shot that night and we probably went in 2 days later for our IUI.  I remember thinking, "it's got to work this time, think of the story we would have about the adventures of making this baby."  Of course two weeks later we got our negative and that was that.  Can't say I didn't try though!

Yesterday after work, I walked some of the same halls at the hospital.  This time, not for meds, something way more important, my sister.  Yesterday she was admitted to the hospital (the hospital in my big town, not her little town an hour away) and put on bed rest.  She is thinning and dilated to 1 cm.  She will be on hospital bed rest until the babies come.  Hopefully the babies don't come for awhile, she is almost 29 weeks right now.  Babies and sister are doing well, but please keep her, her husband, and babies in your prayers.  Pray that the babies hold on and keep growing, pray that my sister stays healthy, that her body cooperates to keep the babies on the inside, and that she keeps her sanity laying in a hospital bed away from home, and pray for my brother-in-law's safe travels back and forth every few days.  

28 Weeks

Posting this a little late, almost 29 weeks.  Sorry, it's been a busy week.  In the third trimester and I can't believe it.   Here's the news at 28.

Little One:  Measures about 14.8 inches and weighs 2 1/4 pounds.  Baby can blink, has eye lashes, and can see light filtering in through the womb.  Little one is still moving around a lot, especially after lunch because I'm sitting during my small math class, when I'm relaxing at home, and early in the morning before I want to get up.  Just training me in I suppose.

Parents:  Momma is sure growing and still feeling good.  I was told this week that I look a lot farther along than 7 months.  That was nice, thanks.  I have been having some pains below the baby.  People tell me it's from everything stretching.  Gav is thinking if this hurts I could be in trouble when it comes to labor.  It is starting to sink in for us that we will need to be making some decisions here soon.  We aren't sure shy we've been putting so much off.  We need to do a lot yet.  Like pick out some possible names, buy baby stuff, set stuff up, the list goes on and I don't really want to talk about it because is stresses me out.  Is it because it took so long for us to get pregnant and so long for it to sink in that this is really happening?  Is it because we don't have our own place to set up for baby?  Is it because we are scared it's bad luck to get ready?  Maybe it's just because we're older and more mature and know it will all come together!  I think it's a combination of all.  We had our first childbirth class on Monday night.  Learned all about the stuff that happens to let us know the baby is coming soon; when we should call and head to the hospital and when we can still be at home.  It ended with a massage for momma and a relaxation exercise for both of us.  Daddy does not relax by calming music and meditating.  He says it's because we were the oldest ones there and it's not as easy for us to sit on the floor!

Last weekend I was with my family for my nephew's second birthday and Gavin went on a hockey trip.  I suppose his last guys trip for a little while.  We got to get all the bellies together for a picture!

Sister (27 weeks with twins), me (28 weeks), & sister-in-law (22 weeks)

Bump Stories

I always thought I would love anyone touching my baby bump, and really I do love it.  Friends have told stories of strangers giving the bump love and said how annoying it was.  I still thought I would love it, I waited 5 years for that.  I've changed my mind.  Last week, I was in the office at school waiting to talk to one of the secretaries who were both on the phone.  One of my students was on the run, rough day.  There were 2 people also waiting at the counter, I assume parents.  The guy motioned to me and asked me to come closer.  I started walking his way explaining that I didn't work in the office, but I would try and help him.  As soon I was close enough, he reached over the counter and gave the bump a rub and asked how far along I was.  I said almost 7 months and then he used his other hand to rub his girlfriend of wife's bump and said they were 3 months.  "Oh, congrats" and some more weird small talk about pregnancy.  I explained the fellow to my husband as:  if I were in a bar and everyone went to the bathroom leaving me by myself and he came to talk to me, I would be a little nervous.  I was in the office about 15 minute later, and the secretary came and asked about how weird that was.  She saw the whole thing while on the phone.  Then, she said she smelled alcohol on both of their breath when she was helping them.  Just out drinking in the afternoon and then stopping at school, touching pregnant bellies I guess.

I've had another change of heart about the baby bump too.  I thought I would just love being out and about showing off the bump.  Whenever I am places around lots of people I don't know (church, the gym, stores, restaurants, etc.), I feel this guilt.  I wonder if there are women looking at me and I just make them sad because they can't have that or don't have that yet.  I hated seeing pregnant bellies around before, and now I am constantly wondering how my infertiles see me and think the same thing.  Last weekend, we went out to eat and ran into some friends, one thing led to another and I ended up being the driver to another bar.  I think I've been a pretty good trooper when it's come to being out at the bar since I've been pregnant.  I'm sure I was starting to look a little bored and tired drinking my water and people watching ( I was the only lady that night) so Gav wanted to dance.  So weird dancing with my bump and the hubby had had a few drinks so we had us all over the floor loving the bump.  I just kept thinking how annoyed I would have been with us had I been the infertile seeing us.  I kept looking around wondering if there was an infertile couple around.  I'm not sure this feeling will ever go away.  It's a part of our experience and I will always think of the girls still on the other side even when the baby comes.   Maybe they see my bump and it gives them hope.  Maybe I should have t-shirts that say things like, "took 5 years," or "had to sell my house for this baby" or "donor eggs" or "this baby cost tons of money."  Then, infertiles would see me and think, "oh that's ok then, I'm happy for them."

Passed

I got the results of my glucose and other blood work at the end of the week.  Everything is in the normal range so that's good news.  I was a little worried because on Wednesday my job had a free wellness check and there my glucose came up pretty high, but I had just eaten breakfast so they said is was hard to tell.  My thyroid blood work is in the normal range, but borderline low.  My doctor was out so she will have the doctor decide if my meds should be adjusted on Monday.  I haven't had a adjust my thyroid meds since being pregnant and that has always surprised me because when we had our surprise pregnancy a few years ago they upped it 3 times before the miscarriage.  I guess my body just knows how to handle things this time.

I have a few more posts in the works including my first stranger belly rub, dancing pregnant, an infertility flashback story, and a blog post about the blog.  So I'll hopefully update a few more times this weekend, but Gavin is out of town for hockey today and I have to take advantage of the time to myself!  Just wanted to document that I don't have gestational diabetes.  Thanks for checking in.