2nd Ultrasound

We just got home from another look at the baby.  Yes, I said baby.  There is for sure only 1 baby, the other gestational sac has been absorbed by my body.  Sad, but so thankful for the one we are blessed with.  Everything looks good.  Heart rate was 176 and measuring 8 weeks 6 days, so growing right on track.  The clot that they found a few weeks ago is still there, but a little smaller.  I had gotten a letter last week that it was 3.7cm at the longest point.  Today it was still over 3 cm, but they don't seem to be worried.  After the ultrasound, we went upstairs to meet with a doctor, but somehow my appointment got messed up so someone is going to call me tonight instead.  I was a little bummed by that because I had a few questions to ask.  I mostly want to find out if I can stop any of the meds.  The shots, suppositories, and pills are getting old.  I have 5 alarms on my phone to remember when to take everything.

I came down with a fever last night.  It broke during the night, but was back this morning.  We were supposed to go to a hockey game tonight, but I'll stay home and rest instead.  Gav lectured me about getting more sleep.

Thanks for checking in!

Special Delivery

Last night when I got home from a long day, I was looking at the mail and saw something from the insurance company that looked like a check.  I had gotten a check last week for about 30 bucks, so I was expecting something like that.  We've hit the deductible and now that we are pregnant things will actually be covered so I think that was the $30.  Opened up a check for $2500!  Yeah!  Of course we just paid another bill we weren't expecting for twice that, but every bit to build our savings back up helps.  I also had a package from my mom, preggie pops!  Suckers to help with the sickness that they sell at her work.  Thanks mom!  Should have packed one in my purse today, because I was dry-heaving the whole way home from work.

Tomorrow is our ultrasound and appointment with a doctor.  Praying everything still looks good.  I will post tomorrow.

A Best Friend

Just what will a best friend do for you?  Mine will give me an injection in the ass!  

Last week I had a couple days off from school and my best friend from Denver was visiting her family just 3 hours away.  So, I was planning to go visit for a night, but wait.... who will do my shot if I stay over night?  No one is nurse that I know there.  So, I sent her a text and she said to still come; she could do it.  I went to spend the day and a night with her, her little boy, and her mom (my second mom).  We spent the day catching up and eating, only thing missing was wine, for me anyway.  As shot time approached, I got out the stuff and found video directions on-line.  She drew a butt crack on an orange and practiced with an extra syringe that I brought.  When I showed her the bruises on my backside, she asked for a few more minutes to prepare (scared her a little).  She did it and I didn't feel a thing!  I can't think of much we haven't been through over the years.  Thanks friend!

Practice makes perfect!

A little liquid courage, and we're ready to go!

P.S.  Bible study tonight was pretty much just for me.  Beth.Moore may as well have been talking just to me and saying my name all night.  It was all about the relationship of anguish and joy.  I will leave you with the last line she ended class with.  "Anguish is meant to lead to a birth."  Coming from John 16:20-22.  The anguish we have felt for 5 years, please Lord, lead us to a birth in early June!

Pen or Pencil

Yesterday I went to our storage unit to find a pregnancy journal my friend had given me when we found out we were pregnant 2 years ago.  This pregnancy was a shock because we got pregnant on our own.  Unfortunately, it ended in an early miscarriage.  For two weeks I knew I was pregnant, but I only filled out 4 questions in the pregnancy journal, in pencil.  I think I was that scared something would happen, that I didn't want to start too much.

Now what should I do?  Should I erase those 4 answers about how we found out and felt during that short miracle of a pregnancy?  Should I leave them and write my new answers next to those memories?  Should I just wait and try to remember everything later when things are farther along?  Should I use pen or pencil this time?

A Scare

Yesterday, we were one week away from our first ultrasound, just patiently waiting.  Things changed quickly though.  I went to the bathroom around 11:30 to find blood.  Not just spotting, it seemed like a lot and was bright red.  Close to tears, I called and left a message with the IVF nurse in town and then left a message with the same clinic, hoping to get any nurse to call me.  Then I called Gavin, this time not just close to tears.  He got me to settle down and I went back to my classroom waiting for someone to call me back.  A nurse called me before noon and tried to reassure me that it could be a lot of different things, and maybe not bad news.  They couldn't move my ultrasound up without getting orders from my doctor who did the IVF.  So, I called and left a message with them and they called back fast saying that they would try to get my ultrasound moved up to Friday or Monday.  I made 2 more trips to the bathroom, finding more blood on the first of those trips.  I had to go to a meeting and pretend to concentrate.  I did consider leaving school, but knew I would just go home and cry so decided it would be best to try and stay distracted.  One of the para's from my room came to get me out of that meeting.  I thought maybe one of the kids was up to something, but it was the IVF coordinator in town saying I could come in for an ultrasound at 3:00.  I went back to the meeting to stare at my papers for another 20 minutes and then headed to the clinic.

I spent the drive praying and asking God what the plan was, fearing that this was the end.  Gav met me there and we had to wait 30 minutes, more time to think and see pregnant ladies in the waiting room.  I was expecting the ultrasound tech (also pregnant, like a mean joke) to turn the screen away and send us upstairs after she took a look.  She turned the screen and quickly said, "there's a heartbeat, right there that little fluttering."  There were tears of joy and relief.  She continued to look around for a long time.  I said they had put 2 in and asked if she saw another.  She only saw a gestational sac and it was empty.  This makes us sad, but so grateful for that 1 heartbeat.  It was measuring 6 weeks 3 days and heart rate was 122, which is good.  She also found a hemmorage that is causing the bleeding.  They think this will work itself out, but I can expect more bleeding as that happens.

We went upstairs to meet with the nurse who said to keep my meds the same, take it easy, and really push fluids.  I'm really bad about drinking water, but doing better today.  They also extended our pelvic rest orders, meaning still no "sexy time."  

We know we aren't out of the woods yet, but reassured by that fluttering.  I didn't know if I would ever see that.  We are so thankful and love this little baby so much.

Your Men

Last night we went to a birthday party for a good friend.  As we were getting ready, Gav asked if I really wanted to go.  It was at a bar and he was thinking everyone would be asking me why I wasn't drinking.  I didn't want to sit at home and so he decided he would just say he didn't know and to go ask me if anyone asked him. Thanks, but I said, I would think of something.  The party was great, got to see a lot of friends who we haven't seen much since school has started.  Turned out that most of the gals there read the blog and none of the men were going to ask, and we found out later that most of them knew too.  

My brother got to town around 10 and joined us at the bar.  We left around 11 to come home.  He has a big day of tailgating today and I was getting tired.  Plus, my friends were going to start getting drunk and annoying!  Gavin stayed to party longer.

Gav got home after bar close and just like every time I come home early and he stays out, he woke me up to chat.  He said that he felt like the party was for him instead of a birthday party, like he was just at his IVF success party.  The birthday boy is one of his best friends and wouldn't mind this comment, he's pretty excited for us too.  Turns out that while the wives and I were chatting, I assumed the husbands were talking about football, baseball, and hockey; they were really talking about our IVF and blog along with the sports stuff.  Gav said that they said the nicest things to him and how everyone is so happy for us.  I guess a couple guys were quite emotional even and Gav couldn't believe how genuine they were with the things they said.  Then, he said that it's all because of the blog.

Here is what I thought Gavin thought about the blog:  He's thinks it's good for me.  He is glad I have an outlet to write about what we're going through.  He looks at it every couple posts.  He knows that I like to update it.  He wishes I put a link to our bank account for donations.

My husband sometimes doesn't know what he's got until someone points it out.  Like when we go to visit his grandpa and he tells Gavin how his wife is good looking and wonders how he got so lucky.  He has dementia so tells him every time we see him too!  Anyway, last night the men (your men) were telling Gavin how much their wives love the blog.  They see them reading it and crying or laughing and then their wives bring the computers over so they can read it or have to read it.  And I may have made a few of the men tear up too.  Here I thought it was just my aunts crying!  Who knew that stories about needles, stirrups, and mood swings would bring friends closer, even the fellas?  I thought they would roll their eyes with the blog coming there way.   After a few comments from his friends, he realized his true feelings about the blog because at 2 this morning he was rubbing my back and told me

Here is what Gavin thinks about the blog:   the blog is "amazing."  I'm so good at writing and our friends love it.  He's proud of me for being so open and sharing our story.

So, at 2:30 when he had passed out and I couldn't fall back asleep, I was thanking God for the wonderful friends in our lives.  I knew the support I've been getting from the ladies in my life, but now I know the support Gavin got from the men, and he needs it just as much as I do.  Thanks guys!

The Girls & 2nd Beta

Sorry I didn't post sooner.  This work week has me pretty tired in the evenings.  We had our second beta (pregnancy test) on Monday.  I went in before school for bloodwork and planned to call the message system for results when we got home from work that night.  Plans changed...

Sunday evening I was checking out the girls because they're tender and changing a little.  As I'm doing this, I notice a lump.  Of course I immediately think of guilianna from E news who found out she had breast cancer during IVF.  I have my mother-in-law, the PA, check it out for me too (another perk of living here!).  She said I should have it checked just in case.

So, after my bloodwork on my drive to school, I called to see if I could get in to have a breast exam.  They got back to me right away and said I could get in at 11:00.  So, I had to leave school again, my poor kids and staff, I'm not sure if they like me very much lately.  I got over there and the doctor asked why I was in and checked the computer seeing that I had just told the nurse I had felt a lump and that I was pregnant.  I said, "well I was on Friday.  We just did IVF and I had my 2nd beta this morning, but I'm not sure how the numbers are yet."  He right away said he could look it up for me, it would be in the computer.  I wanted to scream, NOOOOOOO!  This is something I'd like to check in the privacy of my car or home in case it's not good news.  There was no stopping him, he already had it open.

Second beta was 5479 which is a nice rise and on track!  He checked out the lump and said it's nothing to worry about and I should concentrate on my pregnancy.  I will have it looked at again in about a month.

I ran to my car to listen to the message and same news.  They were happy in the rise in numbers and said we could schedule an ultrasound in 2-3 weeks.  What?  Excuse me, I thought they would be checking me before that, a few times.  I guess I'm not there first patient so I should trust them, but we hate to be waiting again.  I will continue all my same meds and patiently await our ultrasound.

Keep the prayers coming.  One more step closer, but a long ways to go.  Thanks and love you all!